I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
