if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
