My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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