My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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