I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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