For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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