No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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