Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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