We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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