i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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