Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god it's open bar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
