I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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