she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
