They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
whose ass print is on the piano?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
