And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
