It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
