those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
