you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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