omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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