I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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