her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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