I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
