i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
