you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
