So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize