upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
