i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
