there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
