there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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