True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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