In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
