Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
