Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
