wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
