So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
