I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
