Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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