so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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