he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
