I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
