Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
