what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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