We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
