I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
