i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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