i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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