Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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