u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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