I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
