everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
