dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
