the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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