I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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