Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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