well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
