you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
