if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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