Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
