Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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