hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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