Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
