After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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