Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize