i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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