He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
