i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
