I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
